And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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