Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this just has baby written all over it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
