apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
