Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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