She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
