evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
