I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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