I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
