I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
