I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
did i just pee glitter
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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