i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
