it hurts more in the daytime
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
