At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
