I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
