i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
