this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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