just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
