I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
