he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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