It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
