Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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