Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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