They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize