oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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