My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
