Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
