What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
