the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
