We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
