After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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