Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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