That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Even my vagina gasped.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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