and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
