Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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