I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how do flat chested girls get laid?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
