Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
