he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
