Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
