life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
