I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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