I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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