I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
