mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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