Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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