you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its liver damage thursday
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