We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
