Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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