I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
