woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Shame - the story of my life.
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