Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
