I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
