i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
