I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
