areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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