you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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