he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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