Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
