Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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