oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
