i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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