You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
