i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
