i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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