the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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