You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
