Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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