you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
