And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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