I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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