dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
