The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
