So drunk, too bad you don't want this
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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