I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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