Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
