Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
