i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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